Ehrlichkeit
by Natalie7
Summary: post unruhe (ehrlichkeit-german for honesty) Scully tries to work out her emotions while sparing Mulder's feelings...(read to find out what happens)*UPDATED~CONCLUSION*


Title: Ehrlichkeit Rating: PG 13 Spoilers: post unruhe Description: Scully tries to work out her emotions while sparing Mulder's feelings Disclaimer: I don't hold any rights to the x files or any of the characters. They belong to Chris Carter, 1013 productions and FOX. No copyright infringement intended. Author's note: I wrote this as a follow- up to unruhe, ehrlichkeit is German for honesty. Feedback: Please R&R or email icesparklesz@hotmail.com **********************  
  
SCENE: Inside Scully's therapist' office.  
  
Therapist: Do you know why it is you shut him out?  
  
Scully: I guess. (stops to think) I'm afraid of letting him in that close.  
  
Therapist: (nods head)You've expressed that he is the only person you trust-  
  
Scully: (Eyes well up with tears, her gaze set on a stain on the floor) I know. I guess, I don't want to appear weak; or- (lets out a deep breath) I don't want him to worry about me.  
  
Therapist: But you can worry about him?  
  
Scully: (lets out an uncomfortable laugh as a tear slides slowly down her face) I care about him more than anything.  
  
Therapist: And you're afraid that his feelings for you don't coincide?  
  
Scully: (silent for a moment as her eyes move over the carpet) I never thought of it that way before.  
  
Therapist: Dana, after your father passed away, we discussed your fear of death. Perhaps your fear of getting close to your partner is a coping mechanism of sorts.  
  
Scully: maybe. (her voice shaky as she wipes away the tears with the back of her hand)  
  
Therapist: I know this is hard for you Dana, but I think you need to sit down with Mulder and discuss this with him. Working that close with someone there is going to be an unavoidable bond. You need to get your feelings out there, so that you may better understand each other. This will prevent the awkwardness and you won't be able to curl up with what ails you.  
  
Scully: (looks therapist in the eyes for the first time and bites lower lip) I can't do that.  
  
Therapist: If that is too hard for you, write him a letter. You need to let him know how you feel. If you care about him as much as you say, you have to let him know.  
  
Scully nods head.  
  
THEME SONG PLAYS  
  
SCENE: Monday morning in basement office at FBI headquarters.  
  
Mulder: (Comes in through door with wet umbrella under one arm, in his other a Styrofoam tray holding two cups of coffee) Hey (surprised) what are you doing here so early?  
  
Scully: (holding files in hands) I wanted to get some work out of the way. (eyes survey the office) And I thought I'd clean up a bit.  
  
Mulder: (sets coffee on his desk and lays umbrella against it) I got you a coffee. (Holds out steaming cup)  
  
Scully: (takes it) Thank you. (smiles, and returns to the filing cabinet)  
  
Mulder: (flips through stack of papers on his desk) Hey, Scully? How are you doing? I meant to call you this weekend.  
  
Scully: I'm fine, Mulder.  
  
Mulder: Skinner called me to see how you were doing; he got your addendum to the case report.  
  
Scully: ( her back to Mulder) Why didn't he just call me?  
  
Mulder: (shrugs) I guess he thought I'd seen you.  
  
Silence falls over the room. Scully stops organizing the papers before her and rests her hands on top of the filing cabinet. She closes her eyes and pulls her lips into her mouth.  
  
Scully: Mulder?  
  
Mulder: Scully? (interested)  
  
Scully: I, uh.. ( tears fall and she sniffles)  
  
Mulder gets up from his desk and walks over to Scully and places a hand on her back.  
  
Scully: (head hung) I umm.. (tears pouring now)  
  
Mulder: (pulls her to his chest, places one hand on the back of her head and the other rubs her back) What is it Scully? You can tell me.  
  
Scully: (sobs loudly and and pulls away from him, looks down, at him, then down again) I'm sorry-  
  
Mulder: No, don't be. Here sit down. (Guides her over to his chair at his desk and kneels besides her)  
  
Scully locks eyes with him the covers her face, making stifled sobbing noises. Mulder with a look of helplessness pets her hair and rubs her cheek with his thumb. Scully pulls her hands away from her face, simultaneously knocking Mulder's hand away.  
  
Scully: I'm ok, Mulder I just need to go to the bathroom.  
  
Scully stands and walks out. Mulder remains kneeling by his desk, his eyes on the door Scully just went through. He blinks and stands slowly, a sad and hurt expression falls over his face. Moments later a red-eyed Scully returns and avoids making eye contact with Mulder as she resumes her organizing.  
  
Mulder: Hey. Why don't you go home and get some rest, huh?  
  
No response yet she stops her shuffling.  
  
Mulder: It's been a rough last couple of weeks; I think you need some time off.  
  
Scully: yeah.  
  
Mulder: I'll check in with Skinner.  
  
Scully: Thanks. (she gathers her belongings reluctantly. She pauses before exiting, takes a deep breath as though she were about to speak, but instead turns the handle and walks out)  
  
SCENE: 7:30 pm Monday night, Scully's apartment.  
  
(knocks are heard on door. Scully, who is reading, gets up to answer it, she looks through the peep hole and unlocks the door)  
  
Scully: Hey, come in. (stands aside)  
  
Mulder: Is this a bad time?  
  
Scully: Uh, no. I was just reading. (closes book and gestures for Mulder to sit on the couch) There is a brief silence.  
  
Scully: Mulder, about today-  
  
Mulder: We don't need to talk about this Scully-  
  
Scully: No. We do. (sighs and tenses face)  
  
Mulder: No, I understand Scully.  
  
Scully flashes him a puzzled look.  
  
Mulder: Posttraumatic stress, and we've been spending a lot of time together. I can understand your frustration but -  
  
Scully: Mulder, stop. (interrupts forcefully)  
  
Mulder: No, let me finish. I just want you to know I'm always here for you and I'll give your space. Just clue me in. you're not as easy to read as one of your books. (points to the book on the coffee table)  
  
Scully: ( smiles faintly which quickly fades into a pained look as she folds her hands on her knees) It's not that Mulder.(pauses)  
  
Mulder: Is it me then?  
  
Scully: No, Mulder, of course not. This is about me.  
  
Mulder: About you needing your space?  
  
Scully: (frustrated) No. Stop assuming you know what it is.  
  
Mulder: (hurt) Well, I thought I knew you.  
  
Silence fills the room with the exception of the distant sounds of a dog barking. Mulder fidgets his hands nervously.  
  
Scully: (remorsefully) I have some personal issues plaguing me; I've tried not to let them affect my work but-  
  
Mulder: Don't they relate to work?  
  
Scully: Kind of, but not limited to. I have a life outside of work, too.  
  
Mulder: ( eyebrows hang over his eyes sadly) I don't mean to pry, (pauses) why don't you talk to me?  
  
Scully: (closes eyes) Because I choose to deal with it on my own. This is my life Mulder. There has to be a separation somewhere.  
  
Mulder hangs his head hurtfully; he stands and does not look at her.  
  
Mulder: Well I hope everything works out for. (voice catches in his throat) I'll see you tomorrow. We have a meeting with Skinner at 10:30.  
  
He walks out the door with out glancing at her and she does not respond. The door closes and Scully's deadpan artifice breaks into streams of silent tears. On the other side of the door Mulder leans against the wall, his eyes swollen with tears begging to form as he tries to regain his composure. He then walks sullenly down the hall.  
  
SCENE: 11:02 am Tuesday morning, A.D Skinner's office  
  
Skinner: The local police will wrap it up from here. Case closed. (folds his hands) Agent Mulder, will you excuse us for a moment?  
  
Mulder exits. Scully sighs.  
  
Skinner: Look Agent Scully, what you have been through is extremely traumatic. Why don't you take a couple more days off.  
  
Scully: Sir, while I appreciate your concern-  
  
Skinner: Scully, have you looked in a mirror? I'm not going to jeopardize one of my agent's health. You don't look well.  
  
Scully: (looks down at her folded hands) I'm fine Sir.  
  
Skinner: That's an order Agent Scully.  
  
Scully exits to find Mulder sitting in a chair waiting for her.  
  
Scully: Why did you tell him-  
  
Mulder: Because I'm worried about you. If you won't talk to me you should find someone else you can talk to.  
  
Scully: I already have Mulder. I was at my therapists' a couple of days ago. Like I told you, I have a couple of things I need to work through, Now, I have time to.  
  
Mulder: Call me if you need to.  
  
Scully feigns a smile and leaves.  
  
SCENE: Therapists' office, later that day  
  
Scully: Thank you for seeing me.  
  
Therapist: Sure. What's wrong Dana?  
  
Scully: Well, (lets out a long breath) I tried to talk to Mulder and that didn't work out so well. My superior gave me a couple of days off.  
  
Therapist: what happened when you tried to talk to Mulder?  
  
Scully: I closed him out. I got frustrated.  
  
Therapist: Frustrated how?  
  
Scully: He assumes he knows everything about me. He thinks he knows what's bothering me.  
  
Therapist: Does he?  
  
Scully: Honestly? I think he does.  
  
Therapist: And this upsets you..  
  
Scully: (uncomfortable laugh) I guess. I think it angers me that, well, I don't know what I think about that.  
  
Therapist: the other day we talked about how you care for him, but you felt he didn't feel the same. Have your thoughts since changed?  
  
Scully: He does, I know he cares for me very much.  
  
Therapist: Then why not let him get close to you?  
  
Scully: (eyes fill with tears) Because I'm afraid.  
  
Therapist: Afraid? Don't you trust him with your life?  
  
Scully: Yes, I do. I'm afraid I'll get hurt.  
  
Therapist: Dana, you're hurting now.  
  
Scully: (nods) I know, I just, I can't imagine my life without him. So I push him away, because I don't want to depend on anyone that much.  
  
Therapist: ( hands Scully a tissue.) You love him, don't you?  
  
Scully: (stares straight ahead) I do (she whispers pondering the words that just came from her mouth)  
  
Therapist: Life is a series of compromises, Dana. You can't fear the worst and put your life on hold.  
  
Scully: I don't want this to be my life.  
  
Therapist: You're unhappy at work?  
  
Scully: No. I love it, it's my life. That's what scares me. (wipes tears with tissue)  
  
Therapist: Dana, I want to help you, but you have to let me help you. Talk to your partner, if nothing else comes of it, at least you'll have a burden lifted from your chest.  
  
Scully: It's not that simple. We don't confabulate much.  
  
Therapist: Why?  
  
Scully: (moves eyes around to illustrate thought) It's very unnerving when he unmasks the emotional side of me. I guess because I want it so bad it seems like a bad thing, especially when I'm in a situation where I am desperate for his support.  
  
Therapist: Did something happen?  
  
Scully: (frowns and eyes tear up again) Last week while pursuing a case, I was held captive by a man named Gerry Schnauz. A man that had performed transorbital lobotomies, incorrectly, on several women by inserting a luecotome through their eye sockets. He had me strapped down to a dentist's chair and Mulder came in and shot and killed him.  
  
Therapist: I'm so sorry Dana.  
  
(Scully nods her appreciation.)  
  
Therapist: Have the two of you discussed what happened?  
  
Scully: No. I can't over personal matters.  
  
Therapist: This is no longer personal Dana.  
  
Scully: You're right, I have this self-delusion there's more to my life than Mulder and my work.  
  
Therapist: There is Dana, you have your family. (reassuringly.)  
  
SCENE: Margaret Scully's house. 6:37 pm that night.  
  
Margaret Scully answers the door and greet her daughter who hold an overnight bag. She kisses her cheek.  
  
Margaret: Dana are you ok? (notices her red eyes)  
  
Scully: Yeah mom. Sorry for calling on such short notice.  
  
Margaret: Not at all. (Her eyes filled with concern.) Here, let me get that for you. ( takes bag and sets it down beside the couch.) I was just on the phone with Charles so let me go hang up.  
  
Scully: Tell him I say 'hi'.  
  
(Heard from a distance) Margaret: Charles? Yeah, it's Dana. She sends her love. Ok. Love you. Bye.  
  
Margaret returns to the family room where Scully sits on a couch.  
  
Margaret: What's wrong?  
  
Scully: It's just been a stressful week. (feigns a smile)  
  
Margaret: Is everything ok at work?  
  
Scully: Yeah, just been working hard.  
  
Margaret looks at her daughter distrustingly.  
  
Scully: I'm fine mom.  
  
Margaret: Are things ok with Fox?  
  
Scully looks down.  
  
Margaret: You can't hide it from me. (smiles warmly)  
  
Scully: I want to deal with it myself.  
  
Margaret: As strong as you are Dana, this doesn't make you any weaker of a person. If anything, it makes you more human.  
  
Scully: I feel so trapped. Like I'm losing myself to repetitious patterns. Progressing to nothing. Going nowhere.  
  
Margaret gives her a questioningly look.  
  
Scully: Last week I was kidnapped. If it weren't for Mulder I'd be dead right now. I would've died a thousand times. (tears trickle down her cheeks)  
  
Margaret: Oh Dana. (lovingly)  
  
Scully: I take amiss yet I'm indebted to him.  
  
Margaret: You're his partner. You would, and have done the same for him. You don't owe him anything.  
  
Scully: But I do mom.  
  
Margaret: You don't need to open your mouth for him to know what's in here. (holds her hand over her heart)  
  
Scully looks at her confounded. .  
  
Margaret: He called.  
  
Scully: (angrily) I expressed to him very clearly I didn't want him involved. This is my life, mom. I want to regain control of it and find myself.  
  
Margaret: Are you upset that he wants to be a part of your life and you've become his, or because you fear he knows you better than you know yourself?  
  
  
  
SCENE: Guest room in Margaret Scully's house. 11:02 pm Tuesday night. Scully lays awake in the dark, watching the glowing red numbers slowly change on the clock. She sits up and turns the lamp on the nightstand on. She leans over and retrieves her cell from her bag and dials the first few digits to Mulder's number, but shuts it off. She stands and walks over to the desk adjacent to the bed and takes a sheet of stationary paper from one of the drawers and begins to write.  
  
SCENE: 8:30 am Wednesday morning. The sun shines brightly through the window and illuminates Scully's eyes as she opens them. The smell of eggs and bacon fill the air, she gets up and finds her mother in the kitchen.  
  
Margaret: Good morning sleeping beauty.  
  
Scully: Smells good! (smiles)  
  
Margaret: Have a seat. (places a plate with eggs, bacon and toast arranged in a smiley face in front of her)  
  
Scully: Brings back memories.  
  
Margaret: Sunday mornings with my four babies. (smiles reminiscently)  
  
Scully picks up a piece of toast and takes a bite.  
  
Margaret: I have to run to the store and stop by Linda's. I should be home in a hour or so. (pauses) would you like to catch a movie later or something?  
  
Scully: (through a mouthful of toast) Actually, I'm going to go back to work tomorrow, so I can I take a rain check?  
  
Margaret: Yeah. You sure about that? (concerned)  
  
Scully: Yeah, I feel a lot better, thanks mom. (gets up and gives her a hug) After I'm finished I'm going to go. Thought I'd clean up the apartment today.  
  
Margaret: Ok, give me a call later though, huh?  
  
Scully: Sure mom.  
  
SCENE: FBI headquarters 6:32 pm Thursday evening.  
  
Mulder: Night Scully, see you tomorrow. ( locks door to their office as they stand out in the hall)  
  
Scully: Oh, hold on Mulder. ( Reaches into coat pocket and hands him a neatly folded letter.) See you tomorrow. ( she smiles and walks away)  
  
Mulder watcher her as she disappears around the corner, then unfolds the letter. It reads:  
  
Dear Mulder, I love the way you always know what I 'm thinking before I say it. I love the way you always know what's wrong with me, sparing me confrontation with my penitence issues. Most of all, I love coming to work every day to be with you. As Frustrating as it's been, I wouldn't change a day of it. Ehrlichkeit. It will keep us alive And guard us against unrest. It will save us.  
  
~Scully  
  
Mulder holds the letter to his chest and smiles contently as he closes his eyes.  
  
***End*** ~Natalie~ Icesparklesz@hotmail.com  
  
"The farther I fall, I'm beside you As lost as I get, I will find you The deeper the wound, I'm inside you Forever and ever I'm a part of you- And me, we're in this together now, None of them can stop us now We will make it through some how."  
  
~Trent Reznor~ "We're in this together now" 


End file.
